I, like many, have been reeling from the daily garbage that is the current state of the world.
Hidden, lost, murdered children. A family decimated by hate.
I have a daily broken heart.
Every week we get bombarded by horrid headlines and tragedy, and even though it might feel appropriate to run to our beds and hide till a brighter day arrives, we need a collective shift to bring that about.
I have been fortunate. I am that person, who has won the friendship/family lottery a million times over.
I am that girl, standing in the rain who makes a wish and suddenly someone she knows with a car is there and offering shelter and transportation. I am that woman, who in a fit of deep anxiety, receives a call from just the right person to calm me in that particular situation. I have people, who consistently have shown up for me when I needed them. People who have cried with me, held my hand or just sat quietly with me.
When I was a young, terrified 17 year old on my first day of college in a strange city, on my own, I met one of my longest, most cherished friends. She walked up to me and said, “Hi!” and in that moment, decided to make me her friend.
It was one of my first adult lessons on showing up. Being there for someone was simply an act of will. Suddenly, I had a family in this new place, that welcomed me in and made sure I had socks. Her people, became my people. I wasn’t alone and terrified anymore, I had someone nearby that would check in and make sure I was doing okay.
I have exercised this "act of will" with new people I have met and I can tell you, it didn’t hurt me one bit to be kind and to be present for another person, no strings attached.
This is how we bring about that sunny day. By making the decision to show up for others. We’ve become a society that auto defaults to “What about me? What about MY problems?”. We’ve forgotten, we’re not that much different. We seemed to have unlearned that old proverb that, many hands make for light work.
FYI: Origin of Many Hands Make Light Work
This English proverb dates all the way back to the 1300s. It initially appeared in a story called Sir Bevis of Hampton and has been included in many collections of proverbs from that point on-wards.
We all get scared, we all have worries. There is more that unites us than divides us. I saw a post the other day that said “When someone helps you, when they’re struggling too, that’s not help, that’s love.”
This is what we need now. Love.
So what does it mean to show up for someone?
Standing with another person, it’s a lot simpler then you might think. Telling them that you see their struggle, acknowledging that what has happened to them is not right, listening to them tell their stories. In some cases, putting yourself between them and what is harming them - especially when you have the privilege not to be affected in the same way. Speaking up and amplifying another person’s struggle or shining a light on their burdens in places they can't go.
Telling someone you support them - without caveats. No buts. No buts allowed!
I’m serious about this.
Does this seem hard? We all want to be accepted and loved without buts. If you can’t do that, then maybe you need to look inwards. Why are you limiting your love? Healthy boundaries aside, kindness costs nothing. Nobody expects you to personally fix something you didn’t break. But if you have the luxury of not struggling under anyone else's burdens, putting yourself in their shoes might help plant some seeds of empathy so that you can become that unconditional support. You would want the same for yourself right?
Showing up for someone doesn’t mean you have all the answers. But standing with them in the fight to change those things that are harming them can come in many forms. Emotional support, physical support, spiritual support. Standing next to them in their suffering. When we feel seen by others then we know we are not struggling alone. We know that someone will check in to make sure we’re okay. We become witnesses to each other’s lives.
I don’t know how to fix the problems of the world. I don’t have the answer to most of my own problems, but I do know that life can be a long road, and if we’re lucky enough to have a friend for the journey the sweeter that trip is. We all need love, friendship and connection. Especially right now, there are so many people that are suffering in pain, with loss, with isolation, with never ending trauma.
If anyone needs to talk, wants to share or needs a friend, I’m here. I’ll love you, without caveats. I’ll help however I can and maybe we can bridge some of the pain the world is feeling right now.
Once my second vaccine is 100% (in about 2 weeks) I have a lot of hugging to do. My hope is, that when we emerge from this hibernation we will be willing to connect more deeply and fully with one another. So that we can carry each other over all of the trials this journey puts on our paths.
All the loves,
Christine
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