A few months ago Canada and the world celebrated the 100 year anniversary of the invention of Insulin (September 21, 2001), even the Queen took a moment from her day to mark the occasion.
Admittedly, the world acknowledged the massive impact that that discovery had on lives everywhere on this little blue dot. We checked off the day and everyone went on about their business, especially those of us who wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for insulin. Those of us, with Type 1 who historically would have been put on a starvation diet until we became too weak, lost consciousness and succumbed to this metabolic condition.
When I was 7, I didn’t know any other kids like me. It was rare in my small town, there were maybe 1 or 2 other kids who were diabetic and I’d only heard rumour of them, I’d never actually seen or met them. I was alone in my experience, that is until my brother was also diagnosed 6 years later. At the time, in the 80s - we were an anomaly, and it was not easy to feel like an oddity.
Other kids didn’t have to use needles and test their blood all the time or carry a snack or worry that they might go to bed and never wake up. I remember reading a story in a magazine about a woman (a nun) who had a diabetic low blood sugar, stood up on a desk and took off all her clothes. It sounding completely insane to me, I wouldn’t do something like that even in the worst low I’ve ever had, it added to my feelings of isolation.
Watching Steel Magnolias with my mom gave me horrible guilt feelings because popular media at the time portrayed us like ticking time bombs that were going to destroy everyone’s heart.
That wasn’t me either, I wasn’t going to suddenly die because I ignored my doctors orders and leave my parents emotional wreaks!
If your reading this, and your not diabetic, you need to understand that blood sugar isn’t constant, that it’s like a wave and it goes up and down, it peaks and drops. Even you with your working pancreas (islet cells) that pump out insulin to compensate for what you eat - you have a wave, you just don’t have to manually control how high or low that wave gets with injections. It’s not easy, it’s hard work and it’s not the same for each individual with diabetes.
We deal with hypothetical equations, it’s not just balancing exercise, food and insulin. It’s accounting for the temperature - too hot, your body absorbs insulin faster, too cold, it slows absorption and the insulin we’ve dosed for eating may miss the window to catch the carbs and sugars it was intended for. If you hit scar tissue, a side effect of multiple life-time injections, well it’s not going to absorb properly. If you’re on a pump and the pump site fails (gets clogged or comes out) then you’re not getting the dose intended and the sugar in your bloodstream will bring the wave up. Stress makes you insulin resistant, flu, cold, if you weren’t able to finish all the food you already dosed for - the list is never ending.
I personally have to get up at 4 am every morning to do a booster dose to account for what is called dawn effect - where, my liver thinks “Oh, she’s going to get up soon! I should release some glucose!” And without having eaten a thing, my sugars start to elevate. If I don’t catch my liver’s contributions by accidentally sleeping in, then I’m battling that high blood sugar all day. There is no day off. Before life with my Continuous Glucose Monitor - CGM for short. I NEVER caught those waves, I continually struggled to be in range of what is considered “non diabetic”. I am so grateful to have my Dexcom, so that rarely happen anymore. I have the A1C of a non-diabetic and it’s all because of technological advancements built upon the discovery of insulin.
I was recently in one of my many Diabetic facebook groups and someone commented that they didn’t feel comfortable with “Diabetic” that “wasn’t who” they are and “wasn’t what defined them.” It got me thinking.
I will never judge another Diabetic for doing their very best. This is a lifetime job added on top of everything else you’ll get thrown at you. I’m not saying this for sympathy. I want to illustrate, that the phrase “I am Diabetic” encapsulates all of that experience for me and more.
The first time I attended diabetes camp was the first time I was around other Type 1 Diabetics. For the first time since my diagnosis I didn’t feel like an outsider. Suddenly every other kid there was like me and had a similar experience. I think of Diabetes as one part of me, that has influenced and impacted parts of my life for over the last 40 year’s but to say it’s not defining of me, would be dismissing all the good it’s brought to my life.
I don’t lead with “Hi I’m Diabetic Christine!” when I meet new people, but I do still get that trickle of excitement when I learn that someone else is Diabetic - because immediately, I know a familiar pattern in their life and it creates a kinship. I know something important about you and what your life is like, because I have a shared experience.
I am Diabetic.
I own that title like a battle medal. I show up day in and day out for myself. I overcome insurmountable challenges, I keep moving despite the mental and physical toll this disease has brought upon my body. I acknowledge the hard days and celebrate the good days.
“I am Diabetic” is a rally cry for advocacy and for visibility. It’s the embodiment of strength and signifies accountability for one’s self and one’s actions. Its the definition of grit, drive and perseverance, and that’s what I think of, when I hear someone say; “I am Diabetic”
My hope is, that when a young person sees me, here on the other side of 40 years of Diabetes - that they will take hope, feel encouraged to persist, know that they are not alone and see that there is life after diagnosis. But most importantly, that I see them and that struggle that nobody else but someone with Diabetes can understand. I see them. I am them. We are not alone.
As usual, all the love.
Christine
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