Calm down. That usually does the trick, right? Hahaha. Rarely, if ever, do the words calm down have the effect we hope they would. But, could we for reals just calm down a bit?
So there I was in the parking lot of the grocery store – I had just finished finding a good parking spot for our giant truck. (Man, I love driving it!) The sound of a horn blaring with a rev of an engine caught my attention. I concluded that the white car had cut off the burgundy car. The burgundy driver rolled down the window and shouted (I’m talking super loud here folks) “You’re a fu***** a$$****!” The driver of the white car just stared ahead and proceeded to find a parking spot. And I went on my merry way… but not feeling so merry.
I didn’t spend a lot of time on the story I told myself about this situation. (Which as a side note, I’m usually pretty good at coming up with something creative.) I actually just stopped and thought about how sad I felt. What triggered both of their actions? Was it for the driver of the white car the rush to go pick up meds for an ill parent or child? Was the driver of the burgundy car up all night caring for a loved one and was exhausted and tired of putting others ahead of their needs? Who knows? (Ok so I guess I did spend a bit of time concocting a story.)
Either way, the truth of it all is to slow down and be a little kinder.
Often we see this behaviour so why did it bother me today? What were my triggers? Was it the Black Lives Matter video a FB friend shared about the intense racism in the world? Was it going over the bridge in downtown Winnipeg and thinking about that little boy who drowned a few weeks ago? (I had the absolute privilege of drumming at his service – but that is too sacred to discuss) Was it the innumerable people who were sitting on the streets downtown? Probably all of this is part of it.
Is it possible that in our “new normal” (barf) that we are all just a tad on edge? Disappointments left right and centre, unmet expectations and a loss of control has (according to no study that I have done) left the population feeling a tad unhinged. Wouldn’t you agree? In our “old normal” (TM pending – not really) we still had a lot of feelings now we pile that on with all this pandemic stuff.
Man, talk about a recipe for disaster. What can we do about it?
I read (most of it) a book called Crucial Accountability which talks about personal accountability and how we (leadership stuff) can hold people accountable in the workplace. A part that stands out as I reflect on this experience is asking ourselves a simple question when we feel that accountability has been violated: “What would cause a person to act this way?” Like, I’m pretty good at doing that anyway… (storytelling in my mind) but wouldn’t it be nice if more people would ask this question? Especially when we feel wronged or when we see behaviour that is out of character.
The next time you want to scream an obscenity at someone ask that simple question… “What would cause them to act this way?” I have this awesome lady in my life – Gayle. She used to be a self-professed aggressive driver even dropping swears and flipping people off. (She drives a white truck too might I add) When she realized that her behaviour was quite troubling, she decided to reframe and tell a new story when someone cuts her off in traffic. In her casual, nothing-phases-me, slightly flippant tone she now says to herself “Hmmm. That person must be in a real emergency. They must really need to get somewhere.” I wish you could hear her voice.
Last year I gave myself a phrase of “Is it possible.” It works well in a variety of situations. “Is it possible that burgundy car was sick and tired of rude drivers and snapped?” The answer – Yes. “Is it possible that white car is just a rude driver?” Yes. “Is it possible that white car is going through stuff and thought they could just rip in front of someone?” For sure. There are a myriad of possibilities here… most of which have nothing to do with you! I believe that we (the people of the world and beyond) should try to adopt that attitude… Is it possible that I’m reading this situation wrong? Is it possible that this situation has nothing to do with me? Talk about getting ego to simmer down, eh?
On a happy note, I did get to see Deetsy’s art show and it was amazing. I was walking around
proud as a peacock. PLUS I got good parking! (Remember how I was driving our 4 door extended box truck downtown? - count it 2 good parking spots today! Whoo hoo!)
My hopes and dreams today are to cultivate a bit more kindness, find a shred of patience and look for the good. I hope you will too.
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